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Editor’s note: We are pleased today to feature a guest article from Alan Brady on advice for parents on handling custody disputes in a way which decreases the impact on kids. Although Divorce Ministry 4 Kids is not a legal site, it is important that we remember that divorce is a legal process. As people who care for and minister to kids, we must understand that legal process at least a little bit and be in a position to offer advice to parents on ways they can help to alleviate some of the stress of divorce on their kids. Child custody is one such area, and we are grateful to Alan for his insight. As indicated in the author information below, Alan is a writer for Attorney.com, and he has included a link to that site in this article. While we are happy to let Alan link to this site and hope it may be of assistance to some people, Divorce Ministry 4 Kids does not specifically endorse any sites linked to by guest authors.

imageEnding a marriage can be a difficult and ugly thing for everyone involved, but it is still the responsibility of all parents to make every effort to minimize the trauma the divorce causes for their children. Unfortunately, it is all too common for adults who are angry, sad, and/or hurt to become so consumed with their own feelings that they forget about, or overlook, those of their children.

Child Custody – What is it and how does it work?

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Adult Children of Divorce – Chained No More

Guest —  In Uncategorized November 16, 2011 — Leave a comment
EDITOR’S NOTE: We are delighted to have Robyn Besemann as a guest writer here at Divorce Ministry 4 Kids. While our focus is primarily on children, Robyn’s focus is on the long term effects of divorce on children as they grow into adulthood. Accordingly, her work and ministry serves a vital role in the lifelong process of ministering to children of divorce. Just because they are no longer children clearly does not mean that we should stop ministering to people impacted by their parents’ divorce. At Divorce Ministry 4 Kids, we are pleased and delighted to be associated with others, like Robyn, who feel strongly about this cause.

 

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The statistics are staggering with the number of adult children of divorce struggling with relationships and the issues that began with the separation/divorce of their biological parents. There are millions of adult children of divorce [ACOD] who go through life with anger, bitterness, depression and issues of abandonment, betrayal, mistrust, failed relationships and much more.

Some of us deal with these issues by pushing them into the background and telling ourselves,

“Come on, get over it. It is what it is and I have to grow up and move on.”

What happens many times is that this approach can work for awhile, but issues continue to plague us as memories come back occasionally or family gatherings remind us of the devastation of our parents’ divorce. Maybe there are still broken family relationships that have never recovered.

My name is Robyn Besemann and I have led a large single parent family ministry for 12 years in Oregon. Through programs like DC4K (Divorce Care For Kids) and The Big D…Divorce Thru the Eyes of a Teen, I have seen the devastation of hundreds of kids when their parents decide to separate/divorce. Their entire life is turned upside down, their very identity is marred, and all of a sudden these children have to grow up while their childhood is shattered. I have held many children over the years while they wet my shirt with their tears, sobbing their hearts out, not knowing how to process such devastation. My heart broke for them with every tear because these kids did nothing to deserve this pain.

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