Archives For Wayne Stocks

imageWelcome back to our series of “Sunday Morning Strategies” for accommodating children of divorce and children from single parent homes in your Sunday morning children’s ministry. In today’s installment, we’re going to talk about the absolute necessity of training your volunteers so they will be prepared to deal with children of divorce and children from single-parent homes.

As those who work with kids on a regular basis, we need to be in a position to react to, and deal with, those circumstances that are likely to occur in the lives of some of the kids in your ministry. As I thought back on some of my most uncomfortable moments I’ve experienced personally in children’s ministry, I realized that they were uncomfortable primarily because I was unprepared for the situations to come up. Given the circumstances involved (one was a child who had a grandparent die, and the other was when a child told me they had spent the day before helping Dad to move out of the house), I should have been better prepared. Since then, the same or similar circumstances have presented themselves multiple times. The only difference was that I was better prepared for the conversation. They are never easy conversation, but they can be made less uncomfortable with adequate training.

pdf to share leftAs leaders in children’s ministry, it is your responsibility to make sure that your volunteers are not caught off guard by these conversations and that they are equipped to speak into these kids lives no matter what circumstances they may find themselves in. Particularly in a large group/small group format where the small group leaders consistently speaks into the lives of the kids in their group, they need to understand and appreciate what the child of divorce and child from a single-parent home is going through.

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imageWelcome back to our brand new series called “Sunday Morning Strategies” where we are examining things you can do in your Sunday morning children’s ministry programs to accommodate children of divorce and children from single parent homes. There are certain things you can incorporate into your ministry to specifically address the issues and concerns of these children in your churches, and we will get to those later in this series. However, we’re going to start with some of the fundamentals underlying your ministry. Today, we are going to talk about forms and how some simple adaptations can help you to learn about the kids in your ministry who aren’t living in what we might call “traditional homes.”

pdf to share leftYou’ve got to love forms, right? Whether you collect information in a computer database or still use a paper based system, most churches collect some sort of information about the kids that come through their doors and their families. Given that roughly 40% of children do not live with their married biological parents, it is important to consider whether or not your forms reflect the changing shape of American families.

How would a family that was cohabiting fill out your intake forms? What about a divorced family where the child splits time between two houses? What about a single-mother and her kids? How would grandparents who are living with their grandchildren fill out your forms? Do you know which kids in your ministry come from non-traditional family forms? Do you have a systematic way of sharing this information in a confidential way with the children’s teachers and/or small group leaders?

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imageHere at Divorce Ministry 4 Kids, part of our mission is to call churches to minister to children of divorced and separated parents. An equally important part of our mission is:

Equipping those who work with children to serve these kids more effectively;

It’s easy to talk to churches about starting programs like Divorce Care 4 Kids or The Big D or referring teens to sites like I Am A Child of Divorce (http://iamachildofdivorce.com), but one of the big questions we get asked by people who work in children’s ministry regularly is:

What can I do on a Sunday morning to help these kids?

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Man with pencilDo you minister to children of divorce?  Are you a DC4K Safekeeper?  Do you run a Big “D” Divorce Group for Teens?  Are you a children’s minister who works frequently with children of divorce?  If you have a heart for children of divorce and separated parents, we have an opportunity for you.

Due to some changes here at Divorce Ministry 4 Kids, we are actively seeking people to write articles for the website.  Whether you have a practical tip or theological insights into ministering to children of divorce, we believe you have something to offer the church and to offer children of divorce.

If you are interested in contributing we would love to hear from you.  Whether you would like to contribute one article a week, two a month, once a month, the occasional guest post or even less frequently, we would love to talk to you about how you can be a blessing to children of divorce and the community of people who love working with God’s kids and follow this website.

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Over the course of the last couple of months, we have been actively adding new content to the site I Am A Child of Divorce.  I Am A Child of Divorce is a site dedicated to supporting and helping children of divorce.  To that end, we have developed a chat room with regularly scheduled chats and created a pilot online support group for teens.

Another aspect of the site that we’re really excited about if the resources we are developing in house to help children of divorce.  These include the My Feelings Workbook and the Anger-omoter with more resources being developed all the time.

The purpose of this post though is to highlight some of the recent help articles posted I Am A Child of Divorce.  These short articles have been developed to help children and teens whose parents are divorced/separated to answer common questions they might have.  I Am A Child of Divorce is an extension of this ministry, and you may see fewer articles here in the short term as we seek to build a library of resources to directly help children of divorce on that site.

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IAACOD Support Group - 300As many of you know, a couple of months ago we launch I Am A Child of Divorce as a resource site for children of divorce.  As part of an effort to be a place where children of divorce find hope and healing, we recently announced the launch of a pilot online support group program for teens.

This new group starts at the end of April and will run for 16 weeks and cover a variety of topics faced by teens when their parents separate or divorce.  Registration is open through April 30th.

To find out more information about these groups, click on one of the following links: Continue Reading…

Last week, we began a new series called “A New Way of Looking at the Spiritual Impact of Divorce on Children.”  In that series, we started looking at a new report from Melinda Lundquist Denton of Clemson University titled, “Family Structure, Family Disruption, and Profiles of Adolescent Religiosity.”  Last week, we talked about how divorce impacts a child’s spiritual development.  Monday we looked at a new typology for thinking about children of divorce when it comes to their faith.  Today, we conclude the series by looking at the results of the study and what it means for churches and children of divorce.

The Basis of the Study

prayerThis study was based on data collected as part of the National Study of Youth and Religion – a telephone survey of 3,290 teenagers which began in 2002-2003. During Wave 1 (2002-2003), 3,290 teenagers aged 13 to 17 were asked a variety of questions. Those teens were resurveyed in 2005 (Wave 2) when they were between the ages of 16 and 21 and again in 2007/2008 (Wave 3) when they were between the ages of 18 and 24. The results for kids included in all three waves (2,185) formed the basis of this analysis.

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Last week, we began a new series called “A New Way of Looking at the Spiritual Impact of Divorce on Children.”  In that series, we started looking at a new report from Melinda Lundquist Denton of Clemson University titled, “Family Structure, Family Disruption, and Profiles of Adolescent Religiosity.”  Last week, based on this study, we talked about how divorce impacts a child’s spiritual development.  Today, we will look at a new typology used in the report when thinking about children of divorce (or anyone else) when it comes to their faith and religious practice.  On Wednesday we will look at the results from the study based on this new typology.  Come back Wednesday as well for a free downloadable pdf file which contains all three parts of this series. In order to test the spiritual impacts of divorce on Kids, Denton first sets forth a framework that acknowledges that when it comes to religion, teens (and people in general) fall much more along a spectrum than they do in one or two groups. So, she proposes that we think of religious adherence and spirituality along a spectrum which includes five distinct points known as the Five “A’s.” Each of these A’s represents one point on the spectrum, and teens for purposes of this study were grouped into one of five categories:

  • Abiders
  • Adapters
  • Assenters
  • Avoiders, or
  • Atheists

Respondents were classified into each category based on their responses to multiple questions in the areas of: Continue Reading…

Editor’s Note: Today and next week we will be looking at a recent report detailing the impact of divorce on children’s spiritual development.  I hope that you will come back Monday and next Wednesday for the final two installments in this series.  Next Wednesday, we will post a pdf file containing all three parts.

ChurchWelcome back to our series of articles about the 6/50 Window. The 6/50 Window is a new name for an existing mission field for the Church represents the number of children of divorce who eventually end up as born again Christians with a biblical worldview (6%) as compared to the total number of children who will witness the dissolution of their parents’ marriage/relationship (50%). We have also looked at how the church has historically failed children of divorce by failing to reach out to these kids in their hour of greatest need. In order for the 6/50 Window to represent a viable mission field, it is important to establish that there is indeed a spiritual impact of divorce. Those of us who work with children of divorce know intuitively that there is a spiritual impact, but the purpose of this article is to examine the statistical support for that assertion.

A New Report

Unfortunately, very little scientific study of this issue has been undertaken, but with the recent release of the Does the Shape of Families Shape Faith report, and the associated releases of related studies, the gap in research has closed somewhat. One particular study was performed by Melinda Lundquist Denton of Clemson University with the results released in the article, “Family Structure, Family Disruption, and Profiles of Adolescent Religiosity” published in Journal For The Scientific Study of Religion.

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imageDivorce is hard. There is no doubt about it. When parents divorce, kids will mourn the loss of their intact family, the loss of time and availability of one or both parents and the loss of life as they had know it. Divorce hurts, and kids suffer – most often they suffer more than even their parents who are getting divorced. But, there is hope. Things can get better, and though life will never be the same, it is possible to create a new normal.

Psalm 126 is a Psalm of new beginnings. It recounts times in the past where God has restored the fortunes of his people. It reminds us that:

Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy! [Psalms 126:5 ESV]

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