Archives For Parents

imageCo-parenting is becoming the norm for divorcing couples and couples who are involved in cohabitation situations. But what exactly is co-parenting? Co-parenting the divorce way is when separating couples request the courts award legal joint custody of minor children. The marriage or relationship has ended, but the family still exists.

If both parents get along, then co-parenting works. If the adults can’t get along, can’t agree or are hostile to one another, co-parenting is difficult to say the least. Good co-parenting takes teamwork.

In her book, “Co-Parenting Works,” Tammy Daughtry breaks co-parenting into three models:

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Editor’s note: We are pleased today to feature a guest article from Alan Brady on advice for parents on handling custody disputes in a way which decreases the impact on kids. Although Divorce Ministry 4 Kids is not a legal site, it is important that we remember that divorce is a legal process. As people who care for and minister to kids, we must understand that legal process at least a little bit and be in a position to offer advice to parents on ways they can help to alleviate some of the stress of divorce on their kids. Child custody is one such area, and we are grateful to Alan for his insight. As indicated in the author information below, Alan is a writer for, and he has included a link to that site in this article. While we are happy to let Alan link to this site and hope it may be of assistance to some people, Divorce Ministry 4 Kids does not specifically endorse any sites linked to by guest authors.

imageEnding a marriage can be a difficult and ugly thing for everyone involved, but it is still the responsibility of all parents to make every effort to minimize the trauma the divorce causes for their children. Unfortunately, it is all too common for adults who are angry, sad, and/or hurt to become so consumed with their own feelings that they forget about, or overlook, those of their children.

Child Custody – What is it and how does it work?

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imageEDITOR’S NOTE: We are pleased to feature another article from Rosalind Sedacca. Rosalind is the founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network. She tends to write from a perspective on helping parents to help their kids through divorce, but the principles are generally applicable to non-parents working with children of divorce as well. Rosalind’s perspective will also be helpful when divorcing parents come to you seeking advice.

No one plans to get divorced. But more than one million children in the U.S. will experience its affects this year alone. Divorce has become a reality in our culture and innocent children are coping with the consequences every day.

The good news is that divorce need not wound and scar your children if you put their emotional and psychological needs first when making crucial decisions. It’s misguided parents – angry, resentful, hurt and mistrusting – who unintentionally set their children up for painful outcomes. These parents don’t understand that every decision they make regarding their divorce will affect the well-being of their children in countless ways. The emotional scars are not only harder to see, they’re also much harder to erase.

Here are five keys to helping your children move through and thrive after divorce.

1. Remind them this is not their fault.

pdf to share leftChildren tend to blame themselves for divorce, no matter how bad Mom and Dad’s relationship has been. The younger the child, the more likely this is so. Sit down together and talk to your children, emphasizing that they are in no way at fault. You can say something like: “Mom and Dad don’t agree about certain key issues and that has created conflict. Even when some of the issues are about you, it does not mean you are to blame. You are an innocent child who we both love. Sadly, Mom and Dad disagree about certain important issues — but not about our love for you. You are not in any way at fault.”

2. Focus on change — not on blame.

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imageIn children’s ministry we believe, at least we should believe, that parents are important to the spiritual upbringing and nurture of their children. This is, after all, the basis of the entire “orange” theory of children’s ministry – that the church and parents working together can have a greater influence on a child’s life than either one working independently. We strive to find ways to encourage and engage parents. We talk about leveraging our time with the children at church by equipping parents to continue the conversation at home. We minister to families and parents, all in an effort to help parents lead their kids at home. This, of course, is a scripturally sound idea. We need look no further than Deuteronomy 6 for God’s plan for passing on spiritual truth:

pdf to share leftHear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. [Deuteronomy 6:4-9 ESV]

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imageSeveral months ago, we received the following comment on a post here on Divorce Ministry 4 Kids:

Do you have anything I can read about the upside down family law court system in OK? How do you help three little boys whose father adores them, helps them with all their sports, mother has an affair and the court system gives him only standard visitation. 4 days a month is UNPARDONABLE! What can be done to come against a small town judge who clearly has issues against men herself to rule the way she did???

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