Great New Resource from Divorce Ministry 4 Kids

Wayne Stocks —  In Resources August 8, 2012 — Leave a comment

post-it maniaWhen we first started this ministry over a year ago, one of the things I was most excited about putting together was a listing of resources for our website users.  Those listings have now been well over a year in the making, and we are genuinely excited to announce that they have finally gone live just this morning. 

Click here to start reviewing these resources.

While there are, hopefully, more resources yet to add, we hope that these resources will be a good starting point to find our more about children of divorce, divorce in general, marriage, support programs, single parenting, blended families and more.

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Helping a Non-Custodial Father

Wayne Stocks —  In Parents August 6, 2012 — Leave a comment

imageSeveral months ago, we received the following comment on a post here on Divorce Ministry 4 Kids:

Do you have anything I can read about the upside down family law court system in OK? How do you help three little boys whose father adores them, helps them with all their sports, mother has an affair and the court system gives him only standard visitation. 4 days a month is UNPARDONABLE! What can be done to come against a small town judge who clearly has issues against men herself to rule the way she did???

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Culture Shock: Why Ministering to Children of Divorce Isn’t Like Traditional Children’s Ministry

Wayne Stocks & Linda Ranson Jacobs —  In Challenges August 3, 2012 — Leave a comment

imageThis series is co-written by Linda Ranson Jacobs and Wayne Stocks. Linda has drawn on her years of experience working with children of divorce in a childcare setting, in churches and in developing the Divorce Care for Kids (“DC4K”) curriculum for churches to identify and explain some major issues when it comes to ministering to children of divorce and to explain how those issues were addressed in the DC4K curriculum. Wayne has drawn on his years volunteering in children’s ministry and his work with children of divorce to provide some practical advice on how these issues can be addressed in a weekly children’s ministry environment. Together, we hope that this series will help children’s ministry workers better minister to children of divorce and help those who volunteer in divorce ministries like DC4K to better anticipate and deal with issues unique to children of divorce.

Children’s Ministry workers are a unique breed. We choose to volunteer and spend our time surrounded by kids striving to teach them about Jesus and the Bible. We enjoy noise and games and the many twists and turns that children’s ministry inevitably brings.

As a group we tend to be a little more free spirited, but we also take ministering to children very seriously. To that end, oftentimes we get a picture in our minds about how our ministry should operate – how a certain activity should unfold or how a group of kids should act. We get our minds set on what we want to accomplish, train our leaders to move towards that vision and then move forward sometimes faster than we can even keep up. Sometimes, we even settle in and enjoy the fact that everything seems to be running smoothly…that is until “that child” shows up. We love kids, and we have a heart for kids, but “that child” is the difficult one. The one who disrupts the plan and refuses to allow the ministry to operate the way it should. Many times, in today’s day and age, “that child” is a child of divorce. The fact is ministering to a child of divorce, whether in a dedicated group setting like DC4K or in your Sunday morning children’s ministry, presents unique challenges.

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Between Two Houses – Part 2

Wayne Stocks —  In General Impacts, Videos August 1, 2012 — 1 Comment

This week we are looking at the unofficial anthem of Divorce Ministry 4 Kids.  Make sure you check out Part 1 which was published on Monday.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nXzaFR5O4mw

Commentary on Between Two Houses

Well, Mom found her a new place to live
And Dad found him a new girlfriend
Looks like everybody’s moving on

So many times adults view divorce as a painful time in their lives that they are able to “move on” from and be better off. However, to a child, divorce does not work that way. It is not an event that they can just “get over.” It is a fundamental restructuring of the only life they have ever known. As they work through the various stages of life, they relive and replay the event of the divorce again and again. In many ways, it becomes the defining moment of their lives, and many children of divorce think of their lives in two phase: before and after the divorce.

And it’s, “Hey, look on the bright side kid,
Now you’ve got two Christmases
And it’s every other weekend from now on”

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“Yet as much as I believe we should support and understand the needs of divorced and single parents, I feel even more strongly that we should not let our concern for them prevent us from looking unflinchingly at the experience of children of divorce.  Children are voiceless: they don’t write books, they don’t vote, they don’t usually get interviewed on television.  We learn about their experience by sensitively observing their lives and later, when they are grown up, asking them what it was like.  For too long, the debate about divorce in this country has been dominated by the adult perspective on divorce, with some adults charging that divorce is unjustifiably rampant and others retorting that divorce is a right that no one can question.”

Elizabeth Marquardt (Between Two Worlds)

 Posted by Wayne Stocks  onJuly 31, 2012 In Quotes
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Between Two Houses – Part 1

Wayne Stocks —  In General Impacts, Videos July 30, 2012 — Leave a comment

This week we are looking at the unofficial anthem of Divorce Ministry 4 Kids.  Don’t miss part two coming on Wednesday.

Anyone who knows me would not call me a musically inclined person. I am the epitome of the idiom, “He can’t carry a tune in a bucket.” That said, I do like music. There are periods in my life which are marked by a particular song or set of songs, and when I hear those songs I am transported back to that time in my life. Following my adoption into God’s family, I have found that He works through music to readjust my attitude, encourage me or challenge me. The perfect song at the perfect time and place – I do not believe that to be coincidence. Once of my favorite singer/songwriters is Matthew West.

So, as God was really beginning to lay children of divorce on my heart, it was only fitting that Matthew West released his fourth studio album called “The Story of Your Life” in October 2010. For this album, Matthew West collected stories from thousands of fans and wrote songs reflecting those stories. One of the songs really captured heart. As I have travelled down this road of ministering to children of divorce, I have come back consistently to this song. The song is titled “Two Houses” and gives a child’s point of view on his parents’ divorce and ultimately in the healing that comes through a relationship with Christ. If I had to pick one song which summarizes the mission and goal of Divorce Ministry 4 Kids, it is this song. In fact, I liked the song so much that when I started Divorce Ministry 4 Kids and was pondering a name for the ministry it came down to that and Between Two Houses with Divorce Ministry 4 Kids only winning out because it was more explanatory. I would encourage anyone who is divorced, knows children whose parents are divorced or works kids to watch the video of this song

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nXzaFR5O4mw
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The Newest Phenomenon to Impact Children’s Ministry

Linda Ranson Jacobs —  In Grandparents July 27, 2012 — Leave a comment

imageHave you heard about the new divorce phenomenon? It’s called the gray divorce, senior adults who are divorcing after years of marriage. (http://tinyurl.com/cf2t2w5) You may wonder why I would bring up the gray divorce to children’s ministers. You are probably thinking,

“I deal with children, not senior adults.”

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What About My Family!?!? – Part 3

Wayne Stocks —  In Family Ministry July 25, 2012 — Leave a comment

This article, which was first published in the March/April issue of K! Magazine addresses the issue of how the church should address children of divorce and children from single-parent families in the context of family ministry.

Welcome to final part of our series on family ministry and children of divorce. So far we have looked at the move towards family ministry in the church today and what that means for children of divorce and children from single parent families.  Today we will look at some practical steps the church can take to ensure these kids do not fall through the cracks.

What Can The Church Do?

pdf to share rightSo, what practical steps can a church or children’s ministry take to ensure that these kids are not left out in the cold? What can we do to be the hands and feet of Jesus to these kids? Here are some suggestions to get started: Continue Reading…

What About My Family!?!? – Part 2

Wayne Stocks —  In Family Ministry July 23, 2012 — Leave a comment

This article, which was first published in the March/April issue of K! Magazine addresses the issue of how the church should address children of divorce and children from single-parent families in the context of family ministry. Welcome to part two of our series on family ministry and children of divorce.  Last time we looked at the move towards family ministry in the church today.  Today we will examine  what that means for children of divorce and children from single parent families, and next time we will look at what the church can do to ensure these kids do not fall through the cracks.

Last time, we left off with the need for the church to stand in the gap for children of divorce and children from single parent homes.

The Problem of Children and Divorce

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What About My Family!?!? – Part 1

Wayne Stocks —  In Family Ministry July 18, 2012 — Leave a comment

This article, which was first published in the March/April issue of K! Magazine addresses the issue of how the church should address children of divorce and children from single-parent families in the context of family ministry.  Over the next three installments we will look at the move towards family ministry in the church today, what that means for children of divorce and children from single parent families and what the church can do to ensure these kids do not fall through the cracks.

imageFamily ministry is all the buzz in the world of children’s ministry these days. It seems as though the whole children’s ministry world is painting the world orange! Deuteronomy 6 has become the “go to” verse in children’s ministry, and for good reason. There is much to be learned there. God clearly calls the family to be the primary vessel for imparting and teaching spiritual truth to our kids.

Like many things, though, it’s easy to take a good thing too far. In the lingo of Orange where red is the family and yellow is the church, there is a temptation to lean too far towards the red side (family) in order to compensate for years of yellow driven ministry. When churches do this, they run the risk of losing an ever growing segment of our population and a dwindling portion of our churches – children from divorced homes and single parent families. When our focus is simply on “helping parents to disciple their kids,” what are we saying to kids whose parents have either abandoned them or are in no emotional or spiritual state to disciple them? In those situations, we leave these kids asking and wondering:

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