Helping Preschoolers With Divorce

Wayne Stocks —  In Preschool March 6, 2013 — 3 Comments

I recently received correspondence from a young woman who is going through a divorce. She has young children aged three and five. The five-year old in particular is having issues with the divorce but burying her feelings deep inside. This article is adapted from my reply to her on how to help preschool aged children adapt to and deal with the divorce of their parents.  Over the course of the next three articles, we will look at common reactions of children of divorce, emotions, ways of discerning what a child of this age is feeling and specific advice for parents.  Come back next Wednesday for a pdf file containing the complete article.

Introduction

imageDivorce is a traumatic event, and in so many of the cases, the parents get so caught up in their own struggles and circumstances that they don’t pay attention to (or even realize) what their kids are going through. Just noticing that your child is having trouble or keeping emotions buried deep inside is a significant step. The preschool years (defined roughly as aged 3 to 5) are a time of rapid development in kids. The principal focus of this article is the higher end of that range, though hopefully the advice will help with all children in this age group.

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Using Music to Sooth the Soul of Children of Divorce

Linda Ranson Jacobs —  In Techniques March 1, 2013 — Leave a comment

imageWhen working with the child of divorce many people make the mistake of thinking these children are always sad, angry or confused. We forget that they are still children who want to laugh, run, jump, play and laugh. We tend to forget they need normal childhood activities.

Children will grieve in spurts, and they will take breaks in the grieving process. Divorce is a long grieving process, and for some children research shows it make take up to ten years to truly process the divorce of their parents. There are many things we can do to help these children during the shock part of the process and also during the longer grieving period.

pdf to share leftOne idea is to use music to help these children. We know from the many popular praise and worship songs that many people truly worship through music. Sometimes a tune or melody can remind us of happier times in our life. Or it can help us get through rough patches. For years I have said that music has the ability to soothe the soul. This is never truer than when working with the child of divorce.

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Does the Shape of Families Shape Faith: Additional Resources

Wayne Stocks —  In 6/50 Window, Spiritual impacts February 27, 2013 — Leave a comment

imageA few weeks back, we published a series of articles highlighting the recent report from the Institute for American Values titled “Does the Shape of Families Shape Faith?”  Our coverage included a comprehensive review and synopsis of the report, a listing of conclusions from the report and a summary of the recommendations in the report for churches.  We also reported on Elizabeth Marquardt’s interview about the report on Fox News.  The release of this report fits nicely into our discussion of the 6/50 Window over the course of the last month.

Today, we wanted to bring a couple of additional resources related to the report to your attention.

First, and foremost, we wanted to let you know about the Family Scholars podcast.  Although the podcast is about more than the Does the Shape of Families Shape Faith?, three of the first four episodes are either about the report or touch on the report.  The 2/8/2013 podcast is an interview by Amy Zeitlow (the host of the podcast) with co-author Elizabeth Marquardt about the report.  The 2/11/2013 podcast is an interview with Charles Stokes – another coauthor on the report.  Finally, while the 2/22/13 interview with Elizabeth Marquardt is not explicitly about the report, they do touch on the issue of fatherlessness in our society.  I would encourage you to listen to these episodes and subscribe to make sure you don’t miss future episodes.

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Who’s Missing From the Dance?

Wayne Stocks —  In Encouragement February 25, 2013 — Leave a comment

imageA couple of weeks ago, my then nine-year old daughter (Lyndsey) and I went to her school’s Father/Daughter Mother/Son Valentine’s Day Dance. I brought her flowers and she had a corsage. I ironed a shirt and put on my suit and she got all dressed up, and we headed off for the elementary school gym. When we got there (we were fashionably late), the place was packed. The second we walked in the door, my daughter announced, “Bye, I’m going to find my friends,” so I had plenty of time to survey the room.

pdf to share leftThere were several whole families there were the father had come with his daughter(s) and the mother with her son(s). There were a few mothers with their sons – usually younger sons because presumably by the time you’re in fifth or sixth grade it is no longer your mother that you want to go to the dance with. And, there were plenty of daughters there dressed in their best dresses with their fathers in tow. I noticed a couple of other things as well. There were a handful of little girls there with an Uncle or Grandfather, and there was one little girl there with her teenage brother. I don’t know the stories of those families – perhaps the fathers are in the military and deployed or the father was working that night and just couldn’t make it, but it seems likely that some or most of those little girls are from homes where their father is absent. And, they were the lucky ones – the ones who had an adult (or in one case teen) male who was willing to bring them to a school dance.

My mind started to wander to all the little girls who weren’t at that dance. I started to think about the 40% of children in the United States who are living in a home without a father – many of them as a result of divorce. What were they doing that night? Had they wanted to come to the dance but not been able to? , or had their hearts been so seared at this point by the loss of their fathers that it didn’t really make a difference to them? How many more Father/Daughter dances would they miss? Who would be there to meet their dates when they started to go to high school dances? Who would dance with them on their wedding days?

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Casting Our Nets Wider

Linda Ranson Jacobs —  In 6/50 Window February 22, 2013 — Leave a comment

imageIn the story in Luke 5:1-7 the fishermen had been fishing all night and they were not successful in catching fish. Jesus told the fishermen to go back out in their boat and cast their nets again. Thankfully the fishermen listened to Jesus and did what he proposed. When they listened and acted on what Jesus said they filled their nets so full the nets began to break.

There are children in every community that are feeling the effect of divorce. Children and church leaders might not realize these children are there because they are only looking in one place – inside their church walls. For the majority of children of divorce you are not going to find them in the church. We’ve got to look outside the walls of our church. We must:

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Children of Divorce and Overcoming Anger at God

Wayne Stocks —  In 6/50 Window, Spiritual impacts February 20, 2013 — Leave a comment

imageOver the last month or so, we have published a number of articles about The 6/50 Window – our name for the largely untapped mission field of children of divorce and their families. In order to understand 6/50 Window though, we have to understand how divorce impacts a child’s spiritual journey. Last week we looked at how our view of our earthly father impacts our view of God. Today, we will examine the anger that so many children of divorce feel towards God for letting their family fall apart.

Anger is a common emotion in children of divorce. They are angry at their parents, angry at siblings, angry with circumstance, angry at themselves, angry and the world, and many of them end up angry at God.

pdf to share leftWe saw this over and over again in the survey we are currently conducting of adult children of divorce (names have been changed to protect confidentiality, the numbers following the name represent age at the time of divorce and age at time of survey).

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Introducing I Am A Child of Divorce

Wayne Stocks —  In Websites February 18, 2013 — 1 Comment

Square Logo - 300 x 300 - White BackgroundWe are pleased to announce that last week we launched a brand new website as an extension of the mission and ministry of Divorce Ministry 4 Kids.  We would like to introduce you to I Am A Child of Divorce.

I Am A Child of Divorce is a site which will grow into a vibrant community of children of divorce and those committed to caring for them.  The site includes discussion forums, chat rooms and a repository of resources for children, teens and adults impacted by divorce.  I Am A Child of Divorce aims to be a place of hope and healing for children of divorce of all ages.

Why We Started I Am A Child of Divorce

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Divorce: The Post-It Note From Childhood

Linda Ranson Jacobs —  In Encouragement February 15, 2013 — Leave a comment

imageHow many of us have ever used post-it notes? Post-it notes are cool plus they serve a purpose. They stick and they stick to almost any substance. Most of us use them to temporarily call attention to something such as a page in a book or stuck on the fridge so the entire family can be constantly reminded of something in particular.

I use mine to mark songs in hymnbooks that I need to practice. When my kids were little I used them in their lunches to remind them they were loved. Sometimes nothing more than a happy face was drawn on it. I also used them to stick scriptures on the bathroom mirror or to remind them it was their dad’s weekend.

pdf to share leftMy preschool grandson loves post-it notes. I mean he really loves them. He will go through almost a complete package in one evening. He will draw on them, cut them up and stick them all over the house. Sometimes, he tries to write words on them and hand delivers the “mail” to his mother. His post-it drawings will stay in place for many days.

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Children of Divorce, Earthly Fathers and the Image of God – Part 2

Wayne Stocks —  In 6/50 Window, Spiritual impacts February 13, 2013 — Leave a comment

Editor’s note: On Monday, we began to look at how a child’s view of their earthly father impacts their view of God.  This is particularly pertinent to children of divorce so many of whom end up without any substantial relationship with their earthly father.  We finish that series tonight by looking at some first hand accounts from children of divorce and examining what we can do to help these kids overcome this issue.  Click on the link to the pdf file for both articles combined in one easy to share format.

In Their Own Words

Father and DaughterAt Divorce Ministry 4 Kids, we are conducting an ongoing survey of children of divorce. The purpose of this confidential, eight question online survey is to gather information about the experiences of children of divorce to help children currently going through their parents’ divorce. Many of the respondents have expressed how their view of their earthly father impacted their view of God the Father. The following represent selected excerpts from some respondents (names have been changed to maintain confidentiality, the first number reflected after the name represent the age at time of divorce, the second number represents age at the time the survey was completed).

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Children of Divorce, Earthly Fathers and the Image of God – Part 1

Wayne Stocks —  In 6/50 Window, Spiritual impacts February 11, 2013 — Leave a comment

Editor’s Note: This week we will be looking at how divorce impacts a child’s view of God based on their relationship with their earthly father.  Check back in Wednesday for the conclusion of this important article and a pdf file containing both parts.

Over the last month or so, we have published a number of articles about the 6/50 Window. The 6/50 Window is a new name for an existing mission field for the Church represents the number of children of divorce who eventually end up as born again Christians with a biblical worldview (6%) as compared to the total number of children who will witness the dissolution of their parents’ marriage / relationship (50%). In order to understand 6/50 Window though, we need to have some appreciate for how divorce impacts a child’s spiritual journey. Today, we will look at the dynamic between a child and their earthly father and how that impacts their view of God. Obviously, this can have a substantial impact on a child’s faith journey.

God the Father

The father image of God is pervasive in scripture. Indeed, the Holy Trinity consists of God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. The Bible refers to God as Father over 250 times (primarily in the New Testament). The image of God as a personal father to those who put their faith in Jesus Christ is clear. Here is just a sampling of some of the many verses describing God as Father:

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